Prologue
Buddhism defines love into separation of attachment love vs genuine love
We are almost never satisfied after an argument outbreak. We felt tired, exhausted thinking over and over again on what went wrong. What should we correct, what we deemed is right and we refuse to change for our other half. Trying to think what our other half is thinking, we want them to change, we want them to understand the pain we go through, we need them to understand.
We discuss the problems with friends on various resources, friends, forums to seek advise on who is wrong and right, google website for articles just to prove one is righteous than the other.
Talking to doctor dilemma or professional love advise from friends who are usually good at advise but usually not practical and easier said than done. We often usually won’t get a direct answer, no because there is actually no answer to any relationship problems. To begin with, love relationship isn’t even logical in my context. Its limitless, no right definition.
You do not need to be in a relationship to love.
But nobody is perfect to understand, nobody is born to treat everyone nicely. Nobody is going to change anything, we tried, we failed, and the same whole cycle repeats. We mirror the act trying to make them feel what we have gone through. And that’s when you realise its not going to be a happy ending, nobody is going to do anything for you to make you happy, the only solution is to find your own happiness.
After going through a heartbreaking moment, we stopped. These are emotional thoughts , because we crave and obsess by the company they gave and we want them to change so they could love us better, this is what we called Attachment Love. We are selfish, we want the person we love to make us happy. Its selfish, but its still love.
The surprising effect of falling in love
People fall in love for various reasons, but i fall in love when i see a value in the person that i don’t posses. The quality in the person that you think its worth cultivating and eventually you want to embrace and practice them. The power of attractiveness by heart and value.
But falling in love by heart is never enough to start a relationship, because we doubt ourselves if its ever enough for Sexual Love. Sexual love goes independently.
You do not need to be in a relationship to love
We have crush, we have lust for them. But some remained important to us, we love them truly but we know situation don’t put us together. We can still love them.
We often see quotes like “Love yourself before loving others”. Its logical but not a valid statement in real life. People still need to shower love and show affection which we called it confession. We get lost in loving a person sometimes, we made sacrifices, without the person knowing. Not noticeable, but the Buddhism way of teaching reminds us that sacrifice we do to a person to have love in return, will only create suffering..
I know this, i practiced this when i help others in solving their problems, i don’t expect anything in return. But we know its hard, when we fall in love with a person to have love as a return, nothing is logical anymore, we are lost. It happens to anyone, teachings only exist when the problem happens.
The best part of a relationship is courtship. One successful relationship, or maybe only to me is to maintain the sparks that create this courtship everlasting. But it sounds very fairytale like, not likely to happen practically, because people get bored. Everything is easier said than done.
We love our parents, we love our children, we love our friends, we love people. We call this relationship but whats the drawn line in differ to romantic relationship?
Don’t feed your craving for romance
The nuns don’t listen to love songs, watch romantic comedies and gossip. In their own words, these are sources that feed the craving for intensity, and the type of romance that leave us heart broken or in unhappy relationships
The quote above is logical because nuns separate themselves out with lust and satisfaction.
People are humans and we do need a person, to feed our emotions daily. Men and women think differently. Men have 9 brains and 1 lust. Women have 9 lust and 1 brain.
We underestimate the power of what we passively consume, and how it effects our perceptions and desires.